Allowing Yourself To Be Irrational: Giving Yourself Grace & Being Gentle With Yourself
My goal is to always be open and honest here, because it’s so easy for bloggers to hide behind their screens and act like life is one big perfect staged photo. But we’re normal, I’M normal and life isn’t always awesome.
YES, I try my best to always be positive and I wake up SO dang excited for the day most of the time. But honestly, this past week was hard.
I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty of why, but I just felt off. I felt sad, weighed down and my spark just wasn’t there and that sucked. The election left my heart extremely heavy, I was having a mini mid-life crisis about what I should do post-college, I wasn’t feeling motivated in my classes, amongst other things that were tugging at my heart and soul, leaving me feeling empty.
I wasn’t going to mention anything on the blog about it, but after having an amazing conversation over coffee with someone on Friday, I felt the need to write about it.
We were sharing stories of grief and of hardship, and something she said really struck me – when things suck or you’re sad, let yourself be irrational.
It’s our human tendency to always be rational. Make the right decision. Follow the rules. Do what’s right or expected.
But sometimes, life doesn’t go as expected and you just have to let yourself be irrational in order to get back to your rational self. And she said you just have to accept that you’re being irrational and let yourself do it. Don’t overthink it and don’t try to talk yourself out of it.
Hearing her say that made me feel so much better, not because it solved my sadness, but because it made me realize even though I was acting a little crazy this week, that that was completely okay. She made me feel validated in the way I was feeling.
All week I kept overthinking why I wasn’t feeling as motivated, why I wasn’t feeling as if I was able to work hard on everything in my classes, why I wasn’t feeling like my typical go go go busy-bee self.
And all that thinking led to me having a small breakdown in the middle of my floor Thursday night when I couldn’t find the right yoga pants for Friday morning’s workout.
You think I’m crazy huh? Yeah I thought so too. ;)
Even though it was only 7pm I let myself take a long shower, get in my sweats and sit in bed writing for the blog with a cup of tea instead of trying to force myself to be motivated and do homework as I had been doing all week.
I didn’t realize it then, but I was letting myself be irrational. But because I didn’t realize that being irrational is exactly what I needed, I kept overthinking it, and beating myself up about it. Why the heck did I just cry?! Why is sitting in bed, writing for the blog the only thing I can make myself do right now?! Why do I feel so out of sorts?!
But after she explained the importance of being irrational in order to get out of a slump and get back to being rational, it all clicked and I’ve felt so much better ever since.
Yes, some things are still weighing on my heart, but I’m being more gentle and understanding with myself now.
I’m giving myself permission to do things out of the ordinary. Since our talk I treated myself to some fun things at the grocery store (even though I probably neglected to get the stuff I really need for the week) that I normally wouldn’t because they aren’t necessary. I let myself run 10 miles Saturday morning in the pouring rain even though I’ve been keeping my miles down since June in order to gain muscle, simply because it’s what my soul needed (and I felt pulled to prove my strength to myself). I’m letting myself sit here on my couch writing this post instead of working on the many, many, many things I could be doing for school.
And now that I’m giving myself permission to do these things I can already feel myself getting back to normal. I can feel the spark being lit again and that’s the best feeling in the world.
My challenge for you next time you feel out of sorts, is to embrace it. Embrace the wackiness and the mood swings and the sadness and the hurt and do things a little differently to help move past all of the crazy. Sometimes, you deserve to be a little irrational and that’s completely okay.
“If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting off homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all – give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope. And trust that during this time of struggle, it’s enough.” - Daniell Kopek