Cultivating Passion When You're Feeling Stuck
Life has been a crazy whirlwind lately. I feel like I say that a lot, but it’s true. I feel like I never stop moving, studying, working, cooking, writing, doing homework… and I have to be honest it’s been getting really tiring. I’m worn out, worn down, sick of having to dedicate so much of my time to things I’m not passionate about. Things that keep me from doing the things I AM passionate about.
I’ve always been very protective of my time. Being an introverted extrovert (more and more leaning towards introvert) I thrive on quiet time. I flourish when I have time to recharge, to dive into my passion projects, to let my creativity flow. And lately those moments are few and far between.
This semester played a little (not-so-funny) practical joke on me by starting off super slowly. I never had homework to work on during the week, giving me plenty of time to write, read and create. I felt so at peace. I felt calm. I felt centered, full of joy and ready to take on everything that came my way.
Let’s just say the rug was definitely pulled out from under me… this semester turned hectic and crazy and jam-packed in what seems like the blink of an eye. Between essays, lab reports (lol at me taking a science class this semester), exams and group projects my hands have been incredibly full. Right as I feel like I’ll be able to take a breather, it quickly fades as something else pops up. I feel torn in 100 different directions every day trying to balance all that I do.
Well, my mind is torn in 100 directions, but my heart is always wanting to pour all of my energy and time into Blonde Gone Clean. And it’s been really, really hard on me emotionally having to put so many ideas, dreams and goals to the side for the time being. It drives me crazy knowing if I had the time I could put all of those dreams and goals into action.
The perfect way to describe how I’ve been feeling lately is suffocated. Sometimes I feel suffocated by being in a classroom all day. Honestly, there are days where I simply feel suffocated being in college. I’m so, so ready to change scenery, to have new experiences, to be fully independent, to have a job and, quite frankly, to get to sit down on the weekends and pour out my heart when ideas strike me, and not have to feel guilty about it because I’m neglecting studying.
And I know you’re probably thinking “wow, complain much Nat?” and yes, I know I’m complaining about my current situation, but I truly believe part of moving through difficult times is verbalizing them, working through them and getting it all out of your mind. I’ve spent too many days this semester stuck in my own head, frustrated about all of these things. I’m a writer to my deepest core and writing out my feelings and thoughts is how I pick myself back up, how I push the negativity out and take action to fix it and to get my happiness back.
I try my best to exude positivity through my posts and my social media, and usually I am feeling like a little positive ball of sunshine, but some days I also feel down, and I never want to hide those moments from you all. I know it seems crazy, but I’m REAL. ;)
Being frustrated by my current situation has pushed me to live pretty future-oriented lately and I know “living in the present” is a common topic in the wellness community, but sometimes I say it’s okay to look towards the future day after day. Looking towards the future has brought joy into the crazy, busy days because I know it won’t always be so crazy and busy with things I don’t want to be doing. And I realize that the crazy that I'm enduring right now is going to help me get to that future. And as crazy as this may sound, looking towards the future helps me focus on the present by motivating me to bring more good into each day. It pushes me to start creating that future I so badly want in the here and now, even if that’s through the smallest, simplest actions, like setting aside an hour to just write and work on projects for the blog, or prioritize recipe testing over studying for one evening because, well, grades aren’t everything despite what I thought for almost 19 years of my life.
This semester has tried to break me down (and it’s come dang close let me tell you), but it’s taught me a lot as well. It’s taught me that it’s okay to not feel in love with your life at every second, but it’s not okay to wallow in that. It’s not okay to stay stuck even when that’s exactly how you feel.
It’s taught me to work hard to create my dreams now. It’s motivated me to make use of every second of every day so that I can make these dreams happen. They may be slower coming than I would like, but they’re happening, and that’s all that matters.
So next time you feel stuck in your current situation, even if you can’t change it completely, focus on what you can do to bring positivity and joy back into your life. Focus on the things, no matter how little, that will drive you to becoming un-stuck. Life is too beautiful to spend your days feeling frustrated. One of my favorite quotes is "it's okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire." This semester made me a lose a little bit of my spark, as old anxiety crept back in that I thought I had left in the past and workaholic tendencies reached an all-time high, but I'm ready to rise again. Not necessarily because my situation has changed, but because I've decided life is just too fun, amazing and beautiful to live it without my spark.
And that's why I'm so, so excited to announce that I committed, even through all of the craziness, to make one of my goals come to life this semester. My new "Big Time Health Nut" top is now for sale after many months of wanting it to happen! This is the first step of many and I'm so, so excited to share this with you guys!! :)